So I am going to keep talking about my favorites, and things I love.
I recently got into crystal healing. Well, in the past year. It is so hippie, earth mother, goddess, witch baby YA YA and it is the best.
I had big loss in my life in 2013 then again in 2014, and I was in an extremely unhealthy relationship. The combination of all of those things was wreaking havoc on my soul. Something I used to be so proud of, what I like to call my "extreme feeling". I have been extreme feeling my way through life, but all the loss, and emotional manipulation forced me to minimize. I took those feelings and constantly told them they were invalid and not valuable and that they were just making things worse, so I put them in a box and shoved that box into the open wound that was my heart and stitched it up. Luckily I am a terrible seamstress, and with time, recognition, and reflection I realized I missed my extreme feelings. I missed the girl who could lie on a bed listening to music just FEELING, for hours. The end of the toxic relationship, and the addition of a helpful therapist, I began to open back up again. I started to welcome love and friendship and experiences. I listen to music again, I watch movies, and hangout with my friends. All things I did, but all of it was in black and white for years. Now I am back and I am in technicolor, baby!
In January I admitted something to my therapist, I have been drilling into my head for years that I am happy alone and will be content being single forever, but I am not happy and that is not what I want. It never really made much sense because I believe family and relationships are the "only true currency in this bankrupt world" (butchery of my favorite Almost Famous quote) it was incongruous that I thought I could lock all those desires away. I had a weird childhood. A parental role over my mom, a distant almost burdensome relationship with my dad (luckily we have fixed all that) so I have a very mixed idea of what love is. I never wanted to be weak like my mom, so I try to be strong. I never wanted to be needy like her. One parent was weak but loving, the other strong but distant...so here I am 34 and trying to blend those two, I want to be strong and loving. I am sure it can be done...but it is gonna be hard work. You know what else is hard work, having to convince yourself that you don't actually need that thing that you've needed your whole life. I am tired of fighting the internal struggle. I can be a strong woman and love someone, want someone, need someone. Those things are not mutually exclusive, and it has seriously taken me years to figure this out. So here I am, a big open ball of extreme feeling that just wants to be loved.
Well I went off on a bit of a tangent there, didn't I?!
Well in my quest back into the world of loving and feeling I stumbled onto crystals. I inherited several from my witch baby Aunt Cathy, so I thought I would check out their meanings, and man have I jumped on that bandwagon. I started with some simple stones and have have moved into a pretty vast collection.
This is a chakra balancing set. I am obsessed with the blue one, it is a Sodalite and represents the throat chakra...which is totally fitting because I am a Gemini and I am controlled by throat, neck, air. It helps with communication problems and heals the thyroid.
I know all of this sounds a little like hocus pocus but honestly it helps me think about the mind and body and how it is connected to everything around us. My favorite right now, of course, is my rose quartz necklace.
This is the love stone, naturally. I wear it with my beautiful Tiffany & Co key
The two together represent the unlocking of my heart...but you probably could have guessed that, because you're really great. I am going to the beach with a bunch of my girlfriends this weekend and I will bring my crystals. I will hand them out and we will stand in the shallow surf under the full moon and talk about what we love, what we are grateful for, and what we hope for the coming year. It is one of my favorite times of the year. It is so funny which friends will totally humor me and which ones think I'm a hippie nut. But they all love me and that's a start.
xoxox
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