I have issues...

OBVIOUSLY, I mean for one thing I sporadically write on this blog, and I say write lightly as my bf just calls it random rantings. Luckily I am pretty cute so he deals with it.

One of my biggest issues, besides the fact that I love control top pantyhose, is that I don't understand other people sometimes. And by sometimes I mean a lot of the time. I am unforgiving and judgmental, not all or even most of the time but there is quite a bit of the time in my life where I am passing judgement on others. I know this is not suppose to be something you do but umm hello I am human, and American and well we American humans sure like to pass judgement, not sure about those American non-humans of which I am sure there are plenty.

The other day I was standing in our office kitchen after The boss man had kindly gone to Sam's and bought a bunch of food and snacks for us to have around the office. Something that is not required but is such a nice touch from upper-management, there are so many perks about working for a smaller non-profit besides you know the salary and general good nature of the service you provide to others. Anywho I made the comment to my co-worker that I don't understand why they keep buying the container of little muffins. It is a big box of banana nut and blueberry muffins that come in packs of two. The grease covers the plastic and I feel like you can just see the lard oozing out of them...yummers, not. At least that is what I think. Gross who would eat that crap. I look at the back of the package and the two muffins that fit in my hand take up almost an ENTIRE days allotted amount of fat grams. On average we should allow ourselves 60gs of fat per day. The two little muffins that could barely be called a snack have almost 55gs of fat in them. So I make a judgement call, who would want to eat something that wouldn't fill you up and takes up all the fat you can have in one day. And of course the answer is rhetorical because we all know what I meant by it, people who don't care about health and who are most likely over-weight anyway. My co-worker rebuts with well not everyone is like you Sumner, and it took me by surprise. Not surprise really but it set me back a bit. She was right, and that is something I have to remember more often. I actually pride myself as being different than others some may say weird others quirky, but I do march to the tune of my own drummer, most of the time. Always have. I remember at Sunday dinner I used to climb the bars on our windows (in a frock dress and paten leather shoes of course) and pretend I was a monkey at the zoo. Everyone would laugh or sign and make me get down, lack of new material. But that being said, I think of myself as open-minded I encourage different thoughts and life-styles, but that one statement made me question whether I really do cherish those differences out there. When it comes to people whose ideals I do not agree with, those who would speak out against gay marriage or the rights of minorities for example, I would just say they exist so that I can appose them. If they they didn't have differing beliefs then I wouldn't stand out...and that can be a good thing but it in a way is totally self-righteous. I appreciate them for believing things I think are awful to believe because it makes me feel more enlightened and cultured to not believe that way. So to get knocked off my little happy horse of enlightenment I realize that I am so quick to judge all the time. Especially when it comes to diets and exercise of others. I won't judge you for being gay or Muslim or for being on government assistance programs, but if you are lazy and obese I judge you. Is it because I believe that you were born gay and Muslim and that life doesn't deal a fair hand and the government is here to help those who need it, but it is your choice to eat poorly and not exercise.

Maybe because it scares me, because that could be me. I am in no way skinny, never have been, and I could most definitely exercise more often, but lazy I am not. Obese, far from it.  I have made a point in my life to watch my weight and find that my volatile mind is more at ease when exercise is in my life, yet I over indulge on sweets and carb-loaded meat heavy meals quite often. It is a choice but it is my choice. Who am I to look at you and judge your life decisions. But part of me things the judgement is justified. Obesity and laziness is becoming the norm in our country and has been for some time now. Is it OK for people to voice their dissenting opinions about race and religion, politics and values, but not about basic life-style choices. I don't know. I know that passing poor judgement on others does not make me happier, it doesn't make me a better person, but I know it is something that is hard for me to not do. When does the judgment change from opinion to obligation? Should i write the calorie content of a donut and put it on the box of twelve that my co-worker brought in to share with everyone? No I shouldn't because everyone isn't like me, and bless them for it. What a zany world it would be if there were tons more Sumners running around talking with their hands and saying shit that girls say too often.

This definitely qualifies as a rant considering it really has no point except to point out some indecision I have in my head. I lost 30lbs this year because I believe that eating well will enrich my life. I changed my desk into a standing desk because I believe that inactivity will kill you; I believe it will dull your mind and attack your soul and eventually weaken your body, the three gifts we are truly given in this life! Part of me wonders why you haven't done the same thing. Why do you down the donut for breakfast, greasy burger for lunch, sit all day at your desk only to switch to your car then couch then bed? These are things I will wonder about you. Part of me wants to talk to you about it and teach you the ways to change, but the other part of me knows that you are not like me and you will do what you will because that is your right. I will appreciate you for your difference to me but will always wonder why!

We all have things on which we pass judgement more frequently than others, that is one thing that connects us to each other, our differences. So in judging we are in some way connecting to each other. It doesn't make it right and it doesn't make it good it just makes it human. Human is not a shield or an excuse, it is a thing we can strive to be better at being, together!