Ramblings!!!

Nerd Alert!

So I am a big fan of bruise boasting, what is bruise boasting you may ask? Well anyone who grew up playing sports understands what I am talking about.

Imagine the dusty softball field, the batter steps up to the plate. The first baseman pounds the inside of her glove with anticipation. Batter lets the first pitch slide right on by. She taps her cleat with the aluminum cylinder and steps back in the box. Pitcher winds up and releases the ball, the batter steps forward and makes bat to ball contact, but sadly it has just reached the tip and the ball careens its way towards first base where the baseman is waiting with a smirk of acknowledgement that this batter, who like the ball is now plowing her way towards the base, is inevitably OUT. The confident first baseman scoops up the melon-sized ball and carelessly strides across the base. BAMB, batter and baseman collide, the blue-shirted baseman is airborn sideways and lands now gripping her swollen ear that made direct contact with the runner's hard plastic helmet. Shaking the daze out of her head she stands up and trots to the dough-out a little wobbly but glad that the inning is over.

Well that blue shirted first baseman was me. I had a striped bruise from my right cheek bone across my ear, the point where the helmet's brim met my head. I wore that bruise with pride. We victoriously beat the red shirted team in the play-offs and went on to the finals. So that bruise was a battle scar, I took one for the team if you will.

However that was nearly 10 years ago. I now have two parallel line bruises on my upper hip. They are about 5 inches long and a ghastly purple. I wish I had some honorable story I could tell you about how I landed on a racket during a highly competitive tennis match, but no not even close. I was leaving a friends house the other evening, my car was parked on a hill so I had responsibly pulled my parking break. Not realising that by engaging the break some things had shifted around my console. I open the door and plopped down in my seat full force, no grace involved on this decent thanks to the sore legs from cycling. All of a sudden I realize that I have direct hip to case contact and I loose complete balance and the door comes crashing down on my left foot. What kind of case could have caused such pandemonium, well that is where the title of this comes into play. Nerd Alert. It was a case that contains the 10 CDs of my most recent book-on-Cd that I have been listening to as I troll around the city. That is right, Carl Hiaasen's Basket Case  has left a tender wound on my right side! Don't worry I made sure to show it off to friends and boast of how far my coolness factor has fallen in the past decade.

(Possibly my favorite thing I have ever written!!)

On the topic of Love

Well On the topic of love, no I don't think I have ever been in love. I love all the time with the people I am around, the things I enjoy, my environment in general and just the cognitive process....but as in becoming enraptured by the concept of loving one individual...no. Not that I wouldn't lend myself freely to it I just have neither been in the right place nor met the right person.

I tell myself that it is most likely not going to happen till I am a little more stable in my surroundings. But that is a bit of a copout because the truth of the matter is that I have never met anyone who has inspired me to that point.

I want to leave this town and seek out new surroundings and new people, not because of any disdain for this town, it is ........Columbia it is my home, but to be honest it is not where I am at rest... I am always looking around the corner waiting for a flash or a jolt or a moment to just sweep me off my feet and although I have had amazing moments they have been fleeting! I have somewhat unrealistic dreams about love and romance. I want what I want and although I believe in compromise I do not believe in settling! One should never give up a piece of what they want to accept what somebody else has to give them...they should meld together to create a better whole a sum larger and greater.

That is why I live in the romance in my head...it will rain outside and I will imagine taking someone's hand to run out and play in it, but when I realize that there has yet to be an individual in my life that I would share a playful moment as such with me then I am left with the scene in my head. One day I am sure I will have that hand to reach out to and pull along but not now, not yet.

I have also slated myself to being OK with the idea of never finding that fire in another person. I think some people want it so badly that they are unwilling to wait or face the fact that it may not be in their cards....and I will wait and if I never turn that corner I will be OK. I will always have companionship but I will never pretend to love someone I don't, for the sake of winning the game!

(This was written in 2008, things have changed a bit...)

Vacation of qualifying statements...

How interesting, how did I make it here. A child who rebelled is now a woman with a plan. Time passes and time has passed, I reflect and move on but never forget those stories untold. Back in this house with walls so tall stairs that speak with their rhythmic creaks. A family few and far between, listless love broken against as anger drops to its knees. Eyes so deep with the memory of it all. Your face that haunts and your voice incomplete...your presence when I sleep. You rest in the souls of my feet and run through my hollows an emptiness your absence will always ignite. A dance and a song another moment gone my hands in the air spinning with the beat a foggy glance and improbable romance forced through the thick. Silk ridden anger sailing through the piercing bliss, chalk covered faces with purple highlighted bones where is the name the drum the endless rest. Finding a muse from a ruse drifting through prickled lettered bulletins following through staged belief. Pursed lips lingered flick unanswered call with click and a fall. Qualified life and spirited gloss rubbed in the raw. Gentle brush tiny chill putting fill. Waking moss with bruised blankets covering it all. Inserting a silent cough to take hold and tumble fall. Wiggled pose with assertive glow, course and lush grained with steel pressed with sacred scents.  Guiding my life past the rips and stringing a cord to call a tale and pushing it forward and persevering through it all.

(Posted Date: : Jun 12, 2006 10:21 PM <---- crazy talk)