Ramblings!!!

Nerd Alert!

So I am a big fan of bruise boasting, what is bruise boasting you may ask? Well anyone who grew up playing sports understands what I am talking about.

Imagine the dusty softball field, the batter steps up to the plate. The first baseman pounds the inside of her glove with anticipation. Batter lets the first pitch slide right on by. She taps her cleat with the aluminum cylinder and steps back in the box. Pitcher winds up and releases the ball, the batter steps forward and makes bat to ball contact, but sadly it has just reached the tip and the ball careens its way towards first base where the baseman is waiting with a smirk of acknowledgement that this batter, who like the ball is now plowing her way towards the base, is inevitably OUT. The confident first baseman scoops up the melon-sized ball and carelessly strides across the base. BAMB, batter and baseman collide, the blue-shirted baseman is airborn sideways and lands now gripping her swollen ear that made direct contact with the runner's hard plastic helmet. Shaking the daze out of her head she stands up and trots to the dough-out a little wobbly but glad that the inning is over.

Well that blue shirted first baseman was me. I had a striped bruise from my right cheek bone across my ear, the point where the helmet's brim met my head. I wore that bruise with pride. We victoriously beat the red shirted team in the play-offs and went on to the finals. So that bruise was a battle scar, I took one for the team if you will.

However that was nearly 10 years ago. I now have two parallel line bruises on my upper hip. They are about 5 inches long and a ghastly purple. I wish I had some honorable story I could tell you about how I landed on a racket during a highly competitive tennis match, but no not even close. I was leaving a friends house the other evening, my car was parked on a hill so I had responsibly pulled my parking break. Not realising that by engaging the break some things had shifted around my console. I open the door and plopped down in my seat full force, no grace involved on this decent thanks to the sore legs from cycling. All of a sudden I realize that I have direct hip to case contact and I loose complete balance and the door comes crashing down on my left foot. What kind of case could have caused such pandemonium, well that is where the title of this comes into play. Nerd Alert. It was a case that contains the 10 CDs of my most recent book-on-Cd that I have been listening to as I troll around the city. That is right, Carl Hiaasen's Basket Case  has left a tender wound on my right side! Don't worry I made sure to show it off to friends and boast of how far my coolness factor has fallen in the past decade.

(Possibly my favorite thing I have ever written!!)

On the topic of Love

Well On the topic of love, no I don't think I have ever been in love. I love all the time with the people I am around, the things I enjoy, my environment in general and just the cognitive process....but as in becoming enraptured by the concept of loving one individual...no. Not that I wouldn't lend myself freely to it I just have neither been in the right place nor met the right person.

I tell myself that it is most likely not going to happen till I am a little more stable in my surroundings. But that is a bit of a copout because the truth of the matter is that I have never met anyone who has inspired me to that point.

I want to leave this town and seek out new surroundings and new people, not because of any disdain for this town, it is ........Columbia it is my home, but to be honest it is not where I am at rest... I am always looking around the corner waiting for a flash or a jolt or a moment to just sweep me off my feet and although I have had amazing moments they have been fleeting! I have somewhat unrealistic dreams about love and romance. I want what I want and although I believe in compromise I do not believe in settling! One should never give up a piece of what they want to accept what somebody else has to give them...they should meld together to create a better whole a sum larger and greater.

That is why I live in the romance in my head...it will rain outside and I will imagine taking someone's hand to run out and play in it, but when I realize that there has yet to be an individual in my life that I would share a playful moment as such with me then I am left with the scene in my head. One day I am sure I will have that hand to reach out to and pull along but not now, not yet.

I have also slated myself to being OK with the idea of never finding that fire in another person. I think some people want it so badly that they are unwilling to wait or face the fact that it may not be in their cards....and I will wait and if I never turn that corner I will be OK. I will always have companionship but I will never pretend to love someone I don't, for the sake of winning the game!

(This was written in 2008, things have changed a bit...)

Vacation of qualifying statements...

How interesting, how did I make it here. A child who rebelled is now a woman with a plan. Time passes and time has passed, I reflect and move on but never forget those stories untold. Back in this house with walls so tall stairs that speak with their rhythmic creaks. A family few and far between, listless love broken against as anger drops to its knees. Eyes so deep with the memory of it all. Your face that haunts and your voice incomplete...your presence when I sleep. You rest in the souls of my feet and run through my hollows an emptiness your absence will always ignite. A dance and a song another moment gone my hands in the air spinning with the beat a foggy glance and improbable romance forced through the thick. Silk ridden anger sailing through the piercing bliss, chalk covered faces with purple highlighted bones where is the name the drum the endless rest. Finding a muse from a ruse drifting through prickled lettered bulletins following through staged belief. Pursed lips lingered flick unanswered call with click and a fall. Qualified life and spirited gloss rubbed in the raw. Gentle brush tiny chill putting fill. Waking moss with bruised blankets covering it all. Inserting a silent cough to take hold and tumble fall. Wiggled pose with assertive glow, course and lush grained with steel pressed with sacred scents.  Guiding my life past the rips and stringing a cord to call a tale and pushing it forward and persevering through it all.

(Posted Date: : Jun 12, 2006 10:21 PM <---- crazy talk)

Poetic Attempts...

PULP 

Balancing on the precipice of change.

Teetering on the brink of gratified destruction;

Taking them down.

The fear and enthusiasm, paralyzed and exhilarating,

Forcefully, categorically forward.

Knowing, trusting to step, gracefully, assuredly.

A sturdy base to stand on; cultivated.

Kneaded, nourished with breadth

On the verge, the breakdown, standing, staring,

Stand and stare, unmovable.

The energy the spirit propelling forward,

Kept moving, not stopping.

Gone.

The peaceful quiet awoken.

A tumbling mass, exuberance, electric pulse, the pulp.

A body tired but yearning, a beating, prove and withstand, a chance.

Push, pull, set, test…limitless.

A mind, relieved, unquestioned, constant.

Wandering singularly without reproach; unchained…

Grow, learn, blossom.

A heart poised, ready, unheeding, at home to thrive,

The pulse the prance, a beat of the drum.

Pounds alone, for everyone, masterful, palpable,

A new little tune, rhythms and groove.

Corners to turn, new corners, sights and faces…

Unexplored, unquestioned, conquerable. 

 Sep 3, 2007

Red Velvet Rocking Chair

The red velvet rocking chair

Where you rest your weary bones,

Its arms surround you like your

Father's lost embrace.

The Christmas tree stands solemnly

Offering the warming glow

That casts the green light passively

Across your tear glazed jowl.

The time of year tip-toes around

The absence of his merry sound.

Those roaring laughs with great resound.

You wait for him to drop us off,

To take your chance with love.

We're welcomed with your clanking glass,

Wrapped with this year grudge.

Destinée Manifeste

His hand slides down

the contours of her slender arm,

her eyes focus on a spot in the sky.

His pecan hand

slowly streaks down

her white gown, firmly

resting on her inner thigh.

There is heat in her cheeks, a warm

brush stroke of pink

across her caramel skin;

her breath begins to hasten

as the music quickens its beat.

He tightens his hands between

her fingers and thighs, as gentle

winds flow from the speaker 

whispering time to begin. 

He lifts her towards the heavens

as she arches her lovely spine,

 the point of her foot extended

as he spins her, keeping time.

The pads of her feet press

lightly as he lowers her to the ground,

their movements, mirror images,

like a poems use of sound.

Their story is a solemn one,

of passion, lust and loss.

He dies there on that stage each night

as she weeps, her cursed luck.

She spins around his body

contorted on the floor.

Her arms cross her chest,

her heavy feet drag

left, right, left,

slowing the rhythm of her dance.

The burden of his gruesome death

pressed heavily on her chest

She collapses on that wooden stage

with one last glance at God

the story ends as it began

lying there, hand in hand.

(The above was written after watching a dance performance by Terrence Henderson's Vibrations Dance Company)

Rekindling

The night began with a drink in her hand.

The liquor she sips unzipping all of her stresses,

Swaying and stepping to the sounds of this band,

Wonder if he noticed how pretty her dress is.

Ruby cheeked with no chance for defeat

playing it cool now time to charm and to fool.

Catching her breath walking back to her seat

He touches her arm catching fire from her fuel.

She'll never ignite without some sort of fight

Batting her lashes while strutting right past him.

With a pause for composure he regains his might

this war is worth winning, but this battle's looking grim.

Now hand in hand he feels like a dominant man

But she smiles to herself, amused by her master plan.

Glimpse

I carefully pull back the albums plastic,

Torn brittle and dry from too many years

That passed by. Your smile ear to ear

seductively taunted by the last candle lit.

Your beauty, your power, chilling and tragic

Passed down year by year. So many revere

The way your warming eyes are mysteriously clear.

Or how you skillfully charm all the men with your wit.

It was as a child I learned of your tricks

Your pillar possessed no crevice for fear,

Pushing through opposition, never shedding a tear,

a woman's right to be valiant, you fought bit by bit

You taught me your ways, so subtle yet brave

So tomorrow I'll take a rose to your grave

The Ravine

The door echoes through the hollow floor.

As sunlight pours through the windows,

the carpeted room surrounds the girl,

her bronzed skin polished by a somber rouge;

she stifles a cry and takes her place in line.

The portrait delicately illuminates the corner,

cold hands softly pass one by one.

The girl rests her gazes upon the coffee stain,

violently discoloring the neatly tailored suite.

A hand brushes her shoulder,

the thick room is thrust back into view.

The wooden chairs tenderly placed

side by side begin to fill;

they are filled with eyes, glances stares,

all watching the girl, waiting, praying.

The black rim of her hat dips,

the aroma of flowers overwhelms her senses;

she fingers a porous petal and sits in silence.

Like a shadow banished by the light

her hat raises, revealing her strong features

threatened by a wave of insolent tears.

Bye Bye My...

Well let's see, six years ago I liked a boy, that boy was in a band. I google'd said band and it led me to a Web site called Myspace. I had never heard of this site before, but was interested. I wanted to know more about this guy/band so I created a profile....and thus began my love affair with social media. I mean I ROCKED it on Myspace for a while. I had tons of friends and fun and took quizzes and posted bulletins EG and I checked our "stuff" we uploaded pics. I mean we had picture taking sessions just to put on Myspace, hey we were in our early 20s it was acceptable behavior back then...right??!!

It caused drama in relationships, I had to block more than one guy who insisted on sending me nude pictures REALLY guy, am I honestly going to be like ooh yeah I'm in love..NOOO!!!! But I have to say one of the good things that I started on the site was blogging. I would write randomly or post poems, articles and other stories that I have written.

So I have come to the conclusion that I need to cancel that account. I mean I never check it and the pictures, although super exciting, are unfortunately out of date and I don't want to be one of those women who posts pictures of herself from 5 years ago, because come on I look different now. I like the way I looked then and I like the way I look now, besides I'm not trying to front!

But there are some things from there that I don't want to lose in the cancellation. So I will post them here...on my somewhat more advanced "big girl blog" ha!

First my About Me. This was last edited while I was an in college maybe 4 years ago:

Let the woman you look upon be wise or vain, beautiful or homely, rich or poor, she has but one thing that she can give or refuse- her heart. Her beauty, her wit, her accomplishments, she may sell to you; but her love is the treasure without money and without price. She asks only in return that when you look upon her your eyes shall speak devotion; that when you address her your voice shall be gentle, loving, and kind...for, when misfortune and evil have defeated your greatest purposes, her love remains to console you." -Theodore Dreiser's Sister Carrie @--------^-----------

Yes I yell and I laugh and I love, but most of all I live. I want no one to settle for OK. Be great, be bad, get dirty, whatever you want just live life hard! My MO, learn from my mistakes, and ohh I have made some good ones. So I wish everyone a little insight into their own life, find your style and kick it! Wake up and pay attention and swim in all the ish. Take it live it love it...get CRAZY.

Ah bless that brings back memories!

Now I will go through and take my blog postings and post them on here...I imagine some will be pretty funny, while others are pretty (melo)dramatic!

So enjoy as I say farewell to an interesting part of my social existence!

You got spark, you got spunk!

So a bit of a fail on my part on the Liberty Sparkle Hearts front. I tell you what though this girl has been kicking it busy style. I feel like so much has changed in this past month that it would be hard to try and rehash. Somethings that stand out might be that we are now in a new year 2011. Yeah baby, what does everyone think about that? I mean I know that 2010 was crazy because I started it off in Xi'an, China style and ended it all up in South Carolina getting my party on! Both were equally fantastic but for extremely different reasons.

Well let's see in China I started the night off with my parents and roommate Lindsay at BEST Cooking, our favorite restaurant in the city. Then we headed to Oscar's Bar and just relaxed and drank a bit of mulled wine supplied by THE DCFW! The night quickly crept towards midnight and we realized that a change of venue was imperative! So we tried to catch a cab, which was all in vain since they were not stopping for our group of foreign bodies. Finally we Lindsay and I climbed in a Boom Boom (omgah boom boom's total China flash back with this one) which is basically a motorized scooter that has a box attached to the back for passengers to ride. The traffic was heavy as usual inside the city wall and L and I were concerned that our driver's extra slow pass would cause us to spend "the ball drop" on the rainy Xian street. With luck and the Boom Boomer's mad navigational skills we made it to Club Salsa (not a salsa club, go figure). Our friends met us at the metal detectors (they do NOT play) and escorted us to our table. The dance floor was packed and there were Chinese girls everywhere dressed in pink chiffon handing out lollipops, it was a brilliant site. Unfortunately D and his girlfriend Terry did not take the Boom Boom with us so they made it to the club after we did and spent the countdown standing at the door. But they made it over and hugs and kisses were administered all around! The rest of the night was spent dancing around our bottle service table enjoying the loud music and good company. And by company I mean the one guy that really caught a crush from me. Not ever sure what his actual name was but we called him Glasses. Ooo he was tall and smooth and fun to dance with and be around! After that we probably street fooded it up and headed home, where I am positive that I ended up on my soapbox for about an hour! Sorry about that Linz! :)

This year was similar in that it was fantastic, but it was inevitably completely different. A bit of drama and fighting friends surrounded the week leading up to the day but as things are with friends everything was smoothed out in time for a great night! Donning a pair of hot pink spandex leggings from American Apparel I began the day planning my outfit (clearly) around said leggings. (I apologize to Columbia for unleashing those leggings upon you with reckless abandon). Met up with my friend Lydia and hit the gym where we worked out then steamed/polled/hot tubbed it up! Delightful. Most of the afternoon was spent concocting Snooki Drops (my aptly named Jell-o shots) we made a variety of colors and flavors. They may have been perfect (and by may I mean were!) I went home napped/showered/dressed NSD, and then headed to Sara and Tony's house where my friends were congregating to watch the Gamecocks take on The Seminoles (that is the only time I will mention that game) and join together for good food and merriment. After a proper amount of time was spent house-partying it I headed downtown DD in the front attitude in the back. I think the pants brought out the sassy in me that night! We headed to The Whig briefly, one of my favorite local spots! Then off with Margey and Aaron to the glorious home of MP, design editor for the new mag I will be writing for Undefined! We rang in 2011 surrounded by beautiful and fabulous people. In honor of the new year I was ready to turn the party up to 11 and headed off to the Art Bar. (want to make sure to say that each trip was handled by a designated driver RESPONSIBLE is the name of the 2011 game!) Not quite sure of all the events that took place past this point, but I do remember leaving the club and a thick fog had rolled over the city. the closest thing to the China NYE grey cloudy starless sky! It is OK though I had so much sparkle that night I must have stolen their spot light!! ;)

Overall I could never say which night was better but I can say that they were both brave and bold, the way life should be.

2011, what can I say..

Make Revolutions Not Resolutions

Embrace the Sparkle!