At least someone appreciates my DRAMA!

Seriously, last Saturday was pretty dramatic for me! I start off on a 3 mile run and end up on a ball crying on my floor! But then I wrote about it! I got mad and sad and cried and posted it on Facebook and Twitter and you read all about it! The emotional lawnmower of the past year and a half! A lot of people commented in extremely supportive ways, others told me I need to take it down because it made me look lame! Whatever, I don't give to salt shakes how it makes me look! People, professional people, will tell you that when you are going through something extreme, something traumatic that you should share it! That goes for the good and the bad! "They" also tell you that if you can find something healthy that will make you feel better than by all means get on it, what are you waiting for? So I did, I got on and got it out!

I kid you not by the end of the day I felt so completely refreshed! Crying alone can just make you feel better, like you have this ish inside of you that needs to come out and the only way to get it out is just to let it fall in salty tears down your face and in my case onto my floor! It is a bonus when you scare your cat, I love scaring my cats! It also helped me realize that *Liza cat, not so good with the comforting, first sign of the water works and she was off to the living room to lounge on the sofa in the sunlight, clearly she is a Bender! However, my *Ranger kitty was right there with me making biscuits on my back trying to make me feel better. His purrs normally warm my heart but there was a no go at that point, not until I wrote it out!

Now I will admit that the post itself is histrionic, and melancholy! Which is kind of beautiful in its own way because what is delight without melancholia and what is the blessing of reserve if you don't completely blow it away in the most over dramatic way possible! I am not trying to diminish what I wrote. That junk is a mess, I have been through a pile of it and have started to dig my way out, but let's be honest here, I have a lot of staring in the mirror a head of me!

Really, none of this happens if I walk away, hindsight 20/20 is all that I know but that is not an excuse! I don't get to make terrible decisions about my love life and just wash them away with the cleansing cloth of hindsight. I make TERRIBLE decisions when it comes to love and relationships!

 Yeah I have other excuses and reasons and I went through a helluva a lot growing up that most don't have to, I grew up day one and never looked back! But I still am the one making those decisions! Ugh. over and over and over again! I am the one who answers that phone when he calls I am the one who cries and goes back for more. But I am also the one who will stand on her soap box and talk about how the world is just a long list of choices that we make! We create the life we lead by the choices we make and the responses we give...it is so frustrating to not be able to take your own advice, to have insight and wisdom to give others but to completely toss it in the air and hide from it like a child when it comes to my own life. (the image of me making it rain with insightful one liners pops in here)

Now I will say that on Saturday night I asked, well demanded really, that my a couple of my (non-pregnant) girl friends take me out on the town. I needed some social interaction. And I must say it was a total success! I danced and people watched and felt good about how my taste in men has changed since the last time I was out at a bar with a glimmer in my eye! I know what I want and I am not afraid to wait for it! I did meet a good looking guy who was smart and tall and hey interested in me! I gave him my number but he hasn't called. And I don't really mind, I don't feel let down or rejected by the guy who didn't call I mean hell just giving him my number was a big step and helped me get my confidence back! It was easy! Besides if he didn't call then he probably wasn't looking for anything more than a one-night-fun-stand, and hey I am no prude but you can guarantee it is going to take a lot more than a witty repartee complemented by a gin & tonic (or 2)! Having that confidence that you are not going to be paralyzed with self doubt because a guy didn't call is for lack of a better word, freeing! Bring it on! Sure I will give you my number, I am not going home with you but if you want to talk again call me, if not I am gonna be juuuust fine!

I am totally flawed and totally fine with it!
I am totally dramatic and totally thankful for it!

*Liza Kitty not caring about the drama.

**Ranger Kitty being all "I care"