About love...

You know just the act of talking about things you love makes you happier. I am not basing this on any scientific fact, just on personal analysis and observation. Being the extreme over analyzer that I am, it might as well be fact.

So I am going to keep talking about my favorites, and things I love.

I recently got into crystal healing. Well, in the past year. It is so hippie, earth mother, goddess, witch baby YA YA and it is the best.

I had big loss in my life in 2013 then again in 2014, and I was in an extremely unhealthy relationship. The combination of all of those things was wreaking havoc on my soul. Something I used to be so proud of, what I like to call my "extreme feeling". I have been extreme feeling my way through life, but all the loss, and emotional manipulation forced me to minimize. I took those feelings and constantly told them they were invalid and not valuable and that they were just making things worse, so I put them in a box and shoved that box into the open wound that was my heart and stitched it up. Luckily I am a terrible seamstress, and with time, recognition, and reflection I realized I missed my extreme feelings. I missed the girl who could lie on a bed listening to music just FEELING, for hours. The end of the toxic relationship, and the addition of a helpful therapist, I began to open back up again. I started to welcome love and friendship and experiences. I listen to music again, I watch movies, and hangout with my friends. All things I did, but all of it was in black and white for years. Now I am back and I am in technicolor, baby!

In January I admitted something to my therapist, I have been drilling into my head for years that I am happy alone and will be content being single forever, but I am not happy and that is not what I want. It never really made much sense because I believe family and relationships are the "only true currency in this bankrupt world" (butchery of my favorite Almost Famous quote) it was incongruous that I thought I could lock all those desires away. I had a weird childhood. A parental role over my mom, a distant almost burdensome relationship with my dad (luckily we have fixed all that) so I have a very mixed idea of what love is. I never wanted to be weak like my mom, so I try to be strong. I never wanted to be needy like her. One parent was weak but loving, the other strong but distant...so here I am 34 and trying to blend those two, I want to be strong and loving. I am sure it can be done...but it is gonna be hard work. You know what else is hard work, having to convince yourself that you don't actually need that thing that you've needed your whole life. I am tired of fighting the internal struggle. I can be a strong woman and love someone, want someone, need someone. Those things are not mutually exclusive, and it has seriously taken me years to figure this out. So here I am, a big open ball of extreme feeling that just wants to be loved.

Well I went off on a bit of a tangent there, didn't I?!

Well in my quest back into the world of loving and feeling I stumbled onto crystals. I inherited several from my witch baby Aunt Cathy, so I thought I would check out their meanings, and man have I jumped on that bandwagon. I started with some simple stones and have have moved into a pretty vast collection.

This is a chakra balancing set. I am obsessed with the blue one, it is a Sodalite and represents the throat chakra...which is totally fitting because I am a Gemini and I am controlled by throat, neck, air. It helps with communication problems and heals the thyroid. 

I know all of this sounds a little like hocus pocus but honestly it helps me think about the mind and body and how it is connected to everything around us. My favorite right now, of course, is my rose quartz necklace. 

This is the love stone, naturally. I wear it with my beautiful Tiffany & Co key

The two together represent the unlocking of my heart...but you probably could have guessed that, because you're really great. I am going to the beach with a bunch of my girlfriends this weekend and I will bring my crystals. I will hand them out and we will stand in the shallow surf under the full moon and talk about what we love, what we are grateful for, and what we hope for the coming year. It is one of my favorite times of the year. It is so funny which friends will totally humor me and which ones think I'm a hippie nut. But they all love me and that's a start. 

xoxox

MY favorites!

When we were kids people always asked us what our favorite things are, or simply as kids we talked constantly about our favs. I made a new friendship recently and one of the things we were doing to get to know each other is talk about our favorite things. It is interesting how fluid favorite things can be, colors, songs, movies...all that can change. However, so many things are constant, the feeling I have when I stand in front of the ocean for the first time each new summer. The vastness of it all, the insignificance of the minutia in our lives. The terror of the unknown, and the trust we have with life and the universe to deliver us where we need to be. Now you may be thinking that is a lot to get from just looking at a body of water, but this is something that progresses every year of my life! I was in Mexico and stood in front of the caribbean sea, and it is the most beautiful ocean arguably in the world, but that is not my favorite. Next week I will be in Litchfield staring at the brown cold Atlantic ocean, and that is my favorite. It is the sea I grew up with, the strong pull and influence in my life. When I go to the west coast the pull of the ocean just feels wrong, backwards. I am an east coast girl, for life!

I have 3 new favorties and wanted to share them here:

1. TV Show: ROADIES!!!
If you don't have showtime, go on Amazon Prime and buy the season pass to this show. I was an Almost Famous ADDICT! I watched that movie constantly and lived and breathed the soundtrack. This show is that kind of Cameron Crowe writing, great music, the tour bus, but in the best way possible, because it is the story of the stage crew. The people that make every show possible. As a technical theatre person, who spent the past 22 years of her life being the crew, managing the crew, and directing the crew, this show speaks to my soul. One summer I was hired a couple of times to help tear down concert stages in Charlotte, it was the most fun. One of the crew members for Kid Rock saw me carrying some heavy rigging and said that he wasn't used to seeing girls do the work, usually they wee just hanging around trying to meet the band...and without stopping I looked at him and said "I'm not that kind of girl".

2: Jewelry: Mango Women's Rigid Bracelet Set 
Just ordered these from Amazon. I have an Amazon problem. I also have a shopping problem. I actually said that I am not allowed to buy any clothes in July. So good so far...bc apparently I just buy jewelry instead. I love a bangle though and this set is stretchy, but doesn't pinch. I am going to wear them tonight to see American Idiot at Trustus Theatre for the 2nd time bc this is a 2 time show...for sure. Anyway, check out these bracelets in the link above! I am not being paid for this, just sharing!

3: Soma Sustainable Carafe because WATER!!
I also have a water problem, well it probably isn't a problem bc you are suppose to drink a lot of water. I am obsessed with water. I have a large brita that I keep out because normally I just drink room temp water, but it is the summer...in South Carolina and I live in a tiny old house that heats up like a dry sauna. In the afternoons it is usual for my house to be 80 degrees which is better than outside but when you work from home, it is distracting! So when I saw the Soma I got excited bc it would fit in my fridge and not take up a lot of room, which is another issue. I have a really weird fridge, older model that was not designed well, spatially. Anywho, this filter fits, and keeps my water super cold and refreshing. I have used it for 2 days and am in LOVE! The water tastes better than the brita too. Drink two of these a day and you are well passed what you need on a daily basis!

Ok that's all for now, although I also rewatched the movie SNATCH recently and you should too, Guy Ritchie doing what Guy Ritchie does best...also Brad Pitt "Do you like DEGS?"

Also the song "Needed Me" by Rhianna..."Didn't they tell you I was a savage" yesssss!

xoxoxo

I'm Looking for a Mind at Work...Work

"I'm Looking for a Mind at Work...Work" is one of my favorite lyrics sung by the character Angelic Schuyler in the OUTSTANDING musical Hamilton. If you have not started listening to this show on repeat you best get started bc you will be better off for it. Also, dear everyone who works out at MUV Fitness on Forest Drive...my bad, I promise I am not having an episode I am just listening to Hamilton while I am on the treadmill/elliptical/lifting weights and I probably look crazy pants. I AM OK WITH THAT BECAUSE HAMILTON!

Speaking of being at the gym. I 100% forgot how much I love going to the gym. Not only are there tons of HOT guys to look at, thank you gentlemen, but ENDORPHINS! Whoa, I totally forgot about endorphins. I downloaded this app called SKYFIT that is basically like doing a group training class but on your own. I do the elliptical tracks because the elliptical can be pretty boring. These tracks have great music and enthusiastic class leaders. I was coming off of one of the more difficult tracks where you turn the incline and the resistance all the way up, and all of a sudden I felt AMAZING. Everything in life seemed perfect and full of meaning. I felt connected to the people around me...then as my heart rate came down I chilled out a little and realized that I went full endorphin beast mode and it was great. I felt better the rest of the day and I could not wait to get back to the gym and try it again. This is a big WIN for me.

I also joined weight watchers in November, which sounds like something your mom or grandma or great aunt is doing. It kind of is like that because our class is filled with a bunch of older women with a *wicked sweet tooth* they are wonderful and supportive and a little bit "get off my lawn"-y! The program really works if you follow it....and I have lost 12lbs, which is great but I am in a rut now. Only because I am not following the program....because it is so hard. I am thankful because it got me back in the gym...but I am not thankful because it doesn't want me to go have chicken wings with my dad, which I always want to do. Why does it have to be a challenge? WHYYYYYY? Ugh come on, with all the crap we have to deal with on the regular now if I have any chance of getting in ideal shape I have to think about and focus on every piece of food I put in my mouth. WHO WANTS TO LIVE LIKE THAT? I know it is all about making better habits, and I am working on it, but will power will only get you so far.

ALSO, I work for a company in which the main focus is to feed people. It is not lost on me that I struggle to eat less while working to feed people more. I might as well be Catholic with all this guilt I carry.

Life is weird, yo! One thing I can say is that Sumner on this day is in a much better, happier, healthier place than Sumner on this day last year, and that is something at which I cannot be mad.

Referencing back to that wonderful Hamilton quote, I have to talk about something that I just recently realized I don't ever talk about...my singledom, it is something I joke about and brag about, but don't actually discuss. I am a single woman in her 30s in a southern state....so basically an anomaly. In a society that places EVERYTHING on marriage and family I am an outlier. There are all sorts of Freudian psychological reasons that could explain my lack of relationship. My childhood was a paradox of having to constantly care for the females in my life while being told not to ever be a woman who needs to be taken care of...it makes some conflicting issues. My dad is proud of me for being able to "be alone" and take care of myself. So part of me thinks I would let him down if I decided to actually marry someone. Will that make me a woman that no longer is able to "be alone". The struggle is real, y'all. I pride myself of "being fine" alone, happy alone, enjoying my piece and quite. I am feminist hear me roar, alone. But let's be honest....I grew up in this society just like everyone else. I am human just like everyone else. I crave a partnership and a witness. Someone to confide in and commune with, to whom I share my successes and fears. I recently read Mindy Kaling's book "Why Not Me" and several times I connected whole heartedly to this book. And yeah, WHY NOT ME? I have done everything "stop looking and it will happen" tried that, "take a class and meet someone new" tried it, "do volunteer work" did it do it run it. "Have you tried dating online?" wait what like on the internet? OF COURSE I HAVE TRIED THAT... and it is scary. So I am trying the one thing that I haven't tried, talking about it. I do want to be in a committed relationship. I want to know what it is like to be in a truly committed partnership. Honestly the longest relationship I have ever had was 9 months and with someone that was 8 years younger than me and clearly not going to be life-long. People, especially guys, are attracted to the fact that I am strong and independent and don't "need" anyone. That's cool, I am glad y'all like that but I am ready for someone. I will not settle, it has taken all my life but I finally know what I am worth and I will "wait for it", wait for the right one. I am looking for a kind, fine "Mind at Work" and I want to be "HELPLESS" although I'm worried I will be one who is never "Satisfied"!

Bookshelf Terrarium

Yesterday was my last day at Richland County School District One. I worked in the department of Visual and Performing Arts, which is a district office that provides budgetary and curriculum support for all 150+ arts teachers in Richland One. Richland One is extremely lucky to have a Board that is pro-arts education, and even luckier to have a Coordinator of all the visual and performing arts, that was my boss Nancy Pope. This position is in place to make sure the arts are being supported throughout all areas, from the schools through the superintendent. It's like having a district arts advocate on payroll. So many districts don't have arts coordinators, or their arts coordinator is also a teacher, or it is volunteer.

So many people take arts education for granted. Especially those who had arts education in school, because you had access to it, you might assume everyone has access, but far from it! also the equality of programs varies dramatically. The district tries it's best, and the teachers try their best, but a lot of time it comes down to money. Some schools just don't get the same money as other schools. So many arts teachers are split by school, and if you think about a theatre teacher- who is required to put on at least one play a year and conduct all Gifted and Talented auditions- that teacher has to do all that times 2. No principal will say sure you don't have to do all that required at my school because you are split, nope they want their teachers to fill all the requirements with half the time. I'm not putting all the blame on the principals, but it does come down to them as to allocations of full-time teachers. If your school has a part time art/music/theatre/dance teacher you should tell the teacher you want a full-time teacher. IT is better for the advancement of the school and the students all around.

I am really sad to leave my positions because I love love love working in the arts, the business side of the arts is my JAM, buuuut that job was unbelievable limiting. That was my first time as a professional in a government agency and it was eye-opening to say the least. There are a lot of people doing a lot of great work, but there are also quite a few people that make you wonder what they are even there for, and after 3 years I never figured it out :). I spent the majority of my working career in the non-profit sector, and there is something about the nature and spirit of the non-profit that really works in my head, and my heart. So before I delve into that, here is a picture of the incredibly awesome terrarium my boss made for me as a going away present (she's so crafty)

filtered on my ig: sumstagrams

SO I am having lunch today with one of my new coworkers, which is exciting because we are already friends, and now we get to work together. We will both be working from home, respectively, but it will be good to have a contact here in town as the rest of the organization is located in Houston Texas. I get to fly out to Texas this Monday for 5 days of intensive training. I cannot express to you the pressure of packing for a week of business meetings, especially when I just sent the last 3 years dressing with liberty because I was one of those "weird arts people". I think I need to be official. Also I should probably pack like a somewhat normal person as I am being picked up from the airport and would be extremely embarrassed to roll in with 3 bags for 5 days. I will limit myself to 2 bags both that can be carried on the plane. Where I will put all my shoes I have no idea, but we will find out! 

I'll post more about my new job soon. What an exciting time. 

Until then add me on snapchat: sumsnaps and twitter @sumsweetweet 

Never Forget:

Stay Golden, Lydia!

You know sometimes you want to celebrate one of your friends for just being so special and when you hangout with that person you are just so thankful for that friendship?

Let's chat about my friend Lydia! I mentioned Lydia in my last post as bieng someone who has always motivated me to be active and healthy! I'll give you an example of Lydia's dedication to an active lifestyle...

Two and a half years ago Lydia gave birth to a beautiful baby named Lucy. She had an at home birth complete with a water tub and a doula. Here is a pic of Lydia and Lucy

They're adorable, right? Well just a month after her mother-nature-goddess-natural birth Lydia decided she was ready to start running again. So she signed up for the St. Patrick's 5k. Now I bet there are plenty of women who do that sort of thing, birth babies and run 3 miles the next day, but Lydia just stands out in my mind for her dedication and enthusiasm! I ran that race too, and I struggled having NOT just given birth to a 9lbs girl.

Lydia is also my friend that has run a half marathon, and grows her own vegetables. She goes to the gym anywhere from 4-7 days a week. So in short Lydia works full-time at a job, works as a wife and a mother, and still doesn't make excuses to eat right and exercise regularly.

She is an inspiration to me.

One of the main things that is so lovely about Lydia is that she doesn't ever judge you, or make you feel less than for not working out as much as she does. Lydia met me at my house this morning and we jogged about 2 miles. She never moaned when I needed to walk a block and she didn't groan when I said 2 miles was all I could do. The whole time she said you got this girl, you'll get there!

She is happy to help out a friend, she always has a kind word to say, and she will always help you set a good pace, in running and in life.

So thanks for being such a special friend in my life Lydia! Let's jog again soon!

Letting it go, and then putting it back together!

I have been an active person all my life. I started dance classes when I was 3, I was the only girl in the baseball little league, I switched to softball in 6^th grade and kept that up through high school. I lettered in swimming in high school and managed the cross country team. At boarding school we played all the sports, I was goalie in soccer, quarter back in football, MVP at basketball, and made the doubles tennis team.  

In college I lived in the gym and took college-level dance classes, I lifted weights, watched what I ate and kick-boxed my way to the strongest I’ve ever been. 

(In college, look at that energy)

Post college I kept working out, not as diligently because the routine changes, the daily social pressure changes, migrating from young body-conscious peers to work-oriented colleagues. It matters less what you look like and more what you bring to the table. The stresses of full-time employment is an easy gateway into an expanding waistline.  

When I moved to China I spent a lot of time in a Chinese gym, if you think you know self-consciousness in a gym setting you have no idea until you are naturally the biggest and weirdest looking person in the room and EVERYONE IS STARING AT YOU…the whole time. Eventually the gym became a place that I was able to build up my language skills. Talking to the trainers and other gym goers improved my Mandarin. That eventually waned though, the isolation of culture shock began to set in and I ended up spending a lot of time eating oily foods and binging out on the most delicious noodle meals in this world.

(Climbing a Chinese Mountain with Linz and Nick, and being celebs for our whiteness)

When I came home from China I weigh the most I have ever weighed at that point in my life, I was 28 though so I didn’t really know what real weight gain was (hint now I’m in my 30s.) So I hit the gym, my friends and I joined weight watchers and I started running. This was the first time in my life that I could describe myself as a runner. I woke up almost every day and hit the pavement. Thanks to a very supportive friend (Lydia) I got stronger and ran further than I ever thought was possible. I got down to my thinnest, healthiest and strongest point in late 2011.

(R to L: Me, EG, Lydia, Elizabeth, Greg after I PR'd a 5K)

Fast forward to January 2013, my best friend gets married (YAY). We had been working out and doing a plant-based nutrition program that made me feel amazing but was completely limiting, and I didn’t get the results I wanted. It was started to get harder and harder to get results. I would work out and eat right but the weight stayed right where it was, like a millennial not ready to move out of the house, the fat clung to my thighs. My frustration became a concern so I talked to my doctor, her response was less than encouraging. “Some people’s body just won’t let go.” I am a healthy person, blood pressure is good, blood sugar is great, cholesterol is an A+, and my heart is right on track. So as a somewhat stubborn person I said “BUCKET” (well you know what I actually said), and I just stopped caring. I stopped working out, I stopped caring about watching what I eat and I just let it all go. I have to mention that this period of time in my life was also full of grief and loss which just brings up all the other unresolved issues of grief and loss in my life. So it is safe to say that from February 2013 until now I have been totally slack with diet and exercise. I have ballooned to my largest self ever, I also blame my 30s, but I am ready to make some major changes.

In the past month I have let go of a relationship that was really weighing down on my soul, it is actually a little easier to breath without the stress of this “friendship” in my life. I have also accepted a new job with an organization that I love, it is a move back to my non-profit roots with an emphasis on helping the community in a way that I have been hoping to do. I also am taking a graduate certificate course at Winthrop University, as you can see things are changing. I am making changes and I am ready to transition back to the things in my life that make me truly happy. I am going to focus on my fitness and my foods, I am ready start a new brilliant chapter in my life, and I am starting it now. So thanks for reading and hope you’ll follow me along the next part of my crazy life.

(Me now, not terrible but notice the draping material, hides the chubs)

Lastly, I recently realized that I have one big problem in my life. I am single (that isn’t the problem) and I haven’t really had what one might call a “stable, healthy relationship”, and I want that…like a lot. But I was standing in my house looking at all my stuff, I love my stuff, when I realized that I have NO ROOM IN MY LIFE for someone else. I have a lot of holes in my emotional life (re: the aforementioned grief and loss) and instead of working to fill those holes I have covered them with really pretty rugs and vibrant art. I covered them with jobs and boards and events and meetings and plans…the list goes on and on. Now, I attack most problems with logical strategies, but we are talking about emotions, so logic be damned. What I am hoping will happen in this next “brilliant chapter of my life” will help me uncover the holes, one by one, and begin to care for them. I need to recognize them because they are my pockets of vulnerability that I hide from the world. They are my soft spots that are easily bruised, so I have covered them and forgotten about them. However, thanks to Brene Brown I understand the truth about vulnerability.

Don’t know Brené Brown? Check out her TED Talk here!

 

That’s all for now, thanks for reading and see you soon.

Just keep asking!

"There are possibilities of me falling out of my chair today." Is the status I posted on fbook this morning for good reason. silly tired with a side of hangover. But I had possibly the best long weekend I have had in recent memory! The sisterly love I have for my best friend was on highest levels on the love-o-meter this weekend as she walked down the aisle as possibly the most bride ever! Seriously, ever. :)

Well beautiful she is, she is also kind and hardworking and really one of those people who doesn't speak poorly of others! In the past 6 months she not only planned a stunning wedding but she completely revamped her life by going through a nutritional and strength training program geared at turning your life upside down! Well she didn't just do it she done did it! The girl has never looked better! I have been in the same program for about 6 weeks and I can already see an incredible change taking place. It is hard work though, for that I can attest. How she planned a wedding and changed the very core of a lifestyle shows me that nothing is impossible! I am proud and inspired!

On to the topic of inspiration, TEDxColumbiaSC 2.0 was yesterday!

I was thinking back on some of the amazing talks I heard and I think one of the most underrated talk, just because he went first and it was a long day so he was less likely to be mentioned, was a young man by the name of Chase Mi-something or other. I am terrible with names! He is a student at the University of South Carolina who asked a simple question "Where does all that uneaten food go?" The difference with Chase is he kept asking the question until he found the answer he wanted! Well it took a bit more than asking questions but the head strong student broke down the barriers of "No we can't" to "Yes we can" and now instead of being thrown away, the left over food is donated!

If more times in our lives we could remember to keep asking the question because eventually we will find the right answer and the right person will be right along side you!

Then the volunteers and organizers went to celebrate at Gervais and Vine where one will always be over served and under fed, but that is the night that magic sometimes happens!

Don't cry for me Willy Wonka.

So I just wanted to take a moment to put some things down in writing!

It is January 2013, which is absolutely crazballs.

I cried like a baby yesterday and it felt good. I was so exhausted from an entire week of Willy Wonka, if you have never worked with a group of children then you have absolutely NO idea how tiring it is. We give teachers a hard time, which is wrong on so many levels, but the majority of people have no clue what how emotionally and physically exhausting it is to have to split your focus on 30+ little balls of energy. Because kids are takers, they take and take and take and take and you know what they always want more need more take more. It is the brilliance of kids, they are sponges. It is weird to think about, we will chastise you for taking too much when you are an adult but at the same time tell you to keep your inner child! Isn't your inner child a taker. Hmm. I am a giver, in romantic relationships it becomes a problem, but I think that is why I am good with kids. I love it, going in and giving all I have so that when they leave me they are a little more full than they were when I got there! But those little fast metabolizing taker will be back in full force next time I see them, and I will be ready....HOWEVER, 5 days and 4 performances left me completely out of my own lifer force and I was crying to some song on the radio as I drove back from the Harbison Theatre. Do you ever do that, just cry because you are so tired and hungry and you just want your mommy?

So I came home and ate and slept and now I am recharged and ready to take on the day. I will have two full weeks off from my kids but that doesn't mean this week is any slower. When your best friend is getting married in 6 days you have lots to think about. I need to come up with a speech (and by come up with I mean edit down and take out inappropriate references). It is a lot of work to not plunge into a pity party realizing that I am officially the only one of my group of friends not married. Shit I am not even dating anyone, no one not even a prospect. That I am ok with though. In my mind right now boys suck and I will throw rocks at them. But that is a whole other post.

So all this up and down of emotions made me realize I need to put some things down in writing to remind myself how unbelievably lucky I am:

I had the opportunity to work with amazing kids and direct an adorable show.

I am in good health, and am in the process of making life changes to make that GREAT health.

I have 2 adorable cats.

I have a car and a home and money in my account and food in my fridge.

I woke up this morning.

My best friend is getting married and I get to share that with her.

My brother is going to have a daughter in a little over a month.

My boss is like a best friend and I get to work with her every day.

My family is supportive.

There is music in the world, and art and love.

So all that being said, even with all the things that could be, I think I have it pretty good with what is!

Trust me?!

So I didn't have coffee all day till just now, well about 30 minutes ago and I didn't really have any coffee yesterday (I know who am I?) so this tall coffee with cold soy has me all buzz'd up! Which is great because it was like someone hit my snooze button at 3 and I could have hit the bed for the rest of the day. I chose to caffeinate instead.

My cats drink water out of my fish bowls, just a sidebar of info., and I think it is really cute. Just hope they don't actually get the fish! I am thoroughly enjoying my job with the school district. My brother and his wife are going to have a daughter in February. My friends are all marrying and babying and I am trying not to eat too much caking!

Anywho so I don't have any drama to talk about right now, well except for the little pit of drama darkness that just kind of hangs out in the back of my head all the time. I keep a pretty barrier up around it most of the time.

Well except for last night when I got all freaked out about not knowing what is going to happen. Like in a situation between two people, I freaked out because things are all nice and calm and I was all OMG when is the bottom going to fall out. It took the form of me being accusatory and finger pointy and victimy but as I was talking my way through it I realized it was just my nerves, my anxiety, my worry. I get that from my maternal grandmother, Nanny, ooooo that woman could worry.

So there it is, my worry. It is always there, the ability to just loose all control of my rational self, that understands that a lot of the joy of life is the wonder and the not knowing, and fling my mind into this existential moshpit. What does this mean? Will it end? Everything ends, oh no what will happen when it ends...you get my drift.

I must say, however, that I have begun to study my mental moshpits. I try and figure out what happens to trigger them, and how do I get out of them. Well meds help some but I stay on extremely low doses of everything I take because I want to to be more me than meds. But it seems that talking through the pit got me to the base of it and back out again a lot faster than normal. By talking through the irrational outer layer I was able to get myself into the inner layer of understanding. I figured out why I spiraled. It is said that someone like me who grew up in the situation I grew up in has a harder time grasping and sustaining healthy  relationships because they are unknown.

The bottom always falls out. Well it always has before so doesn't that mean that it is going to again? Maybe, but the difference is I have more control over it than I used to. I have more knowledge as a tool to help me. I could pull a nanny and worry myself sick over what is going to happen, but I don't want to do that.

If someone you love breaks your trust the worse thing you can do is stop trusting, or stop loving. For me trust issues are like, duh. I mean I am not even going to get into all the crazy scenarios I have actually lived through that then turn themselves into worry when I am in new situations because I will think oh God what if that happens again. Um whoa brain, let's just hold our horses. What if it does happen again? You lived through it the first time and look how brilliant you still are (a little praise is needed from time to time, right?) So then let the record show that you are alive and the better for it.

So boom, problem solved. Well you know not exactly but it is a start. I think trusting someone new, or again, or for real, is that little flutter you get. Sometimes when I think about how much I love and care for some people I get that little flutter, and yes it is because I love them but it is also because I trust them, and that's a good place to start!

At least someone appreciates my DRAMA!

Seriously, last Saturday was pretty dramatic for me! I start off on a 3 mile run and end up on a ball crying on my floor! But then I wrote about it! I got mad and sad and cried and posted it on Facebook and Twitter and you read all about it! The emotional lawnmower of the past year and a half! A lot of people commented in extremely supportive ways, others told me I need to take it down because it made me look lame! Whatever, I don't give to salt shakes how it makes me look! People, professional people, will tell you that when you are going through something extreme, something traumatic that you should share it! That goes for the good and the bad! "They" also tell you that if you can find something healthy that will make you feel better than by all means get on it, what are you waiting for? So I did, I got on and got it out!

I kid you not by the end of the day I felt so completely refreshed! Crying alone can just make you feel better, like you have this ish inside of you that needs to come out and the only way to get it out is just to let it fall in salty tears down your face and in my case onto my floor! It is a bonus when you scare your cat, I love scaring my cats! It also helped me realize that *Liza cat, not so good with the comforting, first sign of the water works and she was off to the living room to lounge on the sofa in the sunlight, clearly she is a Bender! However, my *Ranger kitty was right there with me making biscuits on my back trying to make me feel better. His purrs normally warm my heart but there was a no go at that point, not until I wrote it out!

Now I will admit that the post itself is histrionic, and melancholy! Which is kind of beautiful in its own way because what is delight without melancholia and what is the blessing of reserve if you don't completely blow it away in the most over dramatic way possible! I am not trying to diminish what I wrote. That junk is a mess, I have been through a pile of it and have started to dig my way out, but let's be honest here, I have a lot of staring in the mirror a head of me!

Really, none of this happens if I walk away, hindsight 20/20 is all that I know but that is not an excuse! I don't get to make terrible decisions about my love life and just wash them away with the cleansing cloth of hindsight. I make TERRIBLE decisions when it comes to love and relationships!

 Yeah I have other excuses and reasons and I went through a helluva a lot growing up that most don't have to, I grew up day one and never looked back! But I still am the one making those decisions! Ugh. over and over and over again! I am the one who answers that phone when he calls I am the one who cries and goes back for more. But I am also the one who will stand on her soap box and talk about how the world is just a long list of choices that we make! We create the life we lead by the choices we make and the responses we give...it is so frustrating to not be able to take your own advice, to have insight and wisdom to give others but to completely toss it in the air and hide from it like a child when it comes to my own life. (the image of me making it rain with insightful one liners pops in here)

Now I will say that on Saturday night I asked, well demanded really, that my a couple of my (non-pregnant) girl friends take me out on the town. I needed some social interaction. And I must say it was a total success! I danced and people watched and felt good about how my taste in men has changed since the last time I was out at a bar with a glimmer in my eye! I know what I want and I am not afraid to wait for it! I did meet a good looking guy who was smart and tall and hey interested in me! I gave him my number but he hasn't called. And I don't really mind, I don't feel let down or rejected by the guy who didn't call I mean hell just giving him my number was a big step and helped me get my confidence back! It was easy! Besides if he didn't call then he probably wasn't looking for anything more than a one-night-fun-stand, and hey I am no prude but you can guarantee it is going to take a lot more than a witty repartee complemented by a gin & tonic (or 2)! Having that confidence that you are not going to be paralyzed with self doubt because a guy didn't call is for lack of a better word, freeing! Bring it on! Sure I will give you my number, I am not going home with you but if you want to talk again call me, if not I am gonna be juuuust fine!

I am totally flawed and totally fine with it!
I am totally dramatic and totally thankful for it!

*Liza Kitty not caring about the drama.

**Ranger Kitty being all "I care"

The Campaign

I'm starting a campaign. A campaign to get the awesome back! In the past year and a half I have done some pretty great stuff! I joined the Board of Directors at Trustus Theatre, a place that I have dedicated many years of my life. I stage managed several shows, threw successful fundraisers, stared in a critically acclaimed show. I got a job working for the school district I grew up in, one that I have always been proud of and thankful was where I spent the majority of my childhood. Not only am I working for the district I love I am working in the Visual and Performing Arts Department. Talk about finding a good fit. My best friends have gotten engaged, married, pregnant and have had babies.

I have watched the Columbia arts community rise up two years in a row against a Governor that feels the need to cut funding for so many of the things that make this state such a treasure. I occupied the state house grounds with a belief and a conviction that things in this country can and will be better. I have met amazing people and shared amazing dreams. I have created and exhibited works of art. I have seen shows that have shaken me to my core. I have travelled and shared experiences with so many wonderful people. But so much of that awesomeness has taken a back seat to one person, one relationship, one less than awesome situation.

I met a man, and knew felt the red flags go up from the start. This man is not good news. But this man is charming and funny and extremely into me. So I have spent the past year and a half of my life in constant turmoil with this man. He loves me and holds me close, he laughs with me and is tender and sweet. Then he throws me away and ignores me. He searches through crowds of other people to find anyone but me to talk to and be with. Many times have I cried and yelled and cursed and begged. I have left and hated and vowed. Then he would come back, and break down my resolve with his words and his touch. He would pull me back in and stroke my anger back down to compliance. He would give me days of joy and togetherness and companionship for which we all search.

Then he would drop a bomb. I don't think we should be exclusive. I am just not that type of person, and I would try. As much as it hurt I would allow him to go out with other women. I would put on a facade that I was strong and cool and didn't care. All the while panicked and defeated and just praying that he didn't meet someone he liked more than me. I saw it as a bizarre challenge, that the more I could get him with me the less he would be out there looking for others. The more a made myself what he wanted in me the less he would want someone else. So I did that, I played that game.

Then one day he met someone he liked better than me...for the moment. An older woman with money and a glamorous job. For her he had to stand up straight and watch what he was saying, he couldn't let her in to see the mess that is his real life. With me I saw all the dirty darkness and knew exactly who he was when his guard was down and his humility high. And I loved him still. She made him a proposition. Her job was sending her to Italy, Africa, Dubai and she didn't want to go alone, so she offered to pay his way. He told me this in a casual conversation one afternoon. I was devastated. I was reeling and couldn't believe this was happening. Yet I loved him still, I told him to take the trip of a life time but that we were over. And I hoped we were. But then he called.

He kept calling and pulling and twisting and bending me. And I gave in, I stayed with him until the day he left on his trip. I spent the next three weeks in complete misery. I became seriously ill and depressed. I can't remember much else of the time except for that. But he wrote to me. He sent me an email telling me he was thinking of me. And I read it and loved it and somehow that made me feel like I was winning. But I decided NO, I am being crazy what is wrong with me I am better than this. And I got well and I got up and got over him. Well at least I thought I did.

Then he came home. The day he came home he called me. And he called me. And he texted me. And he emailed me. And for the first time he started giving me the attention I had always wanted from him. Slowly he began to get back into me. He told me he loved me and that it took getting that far away from em to realize it. So I was sold. And everything went so fast after that, we moved in and we were happy and we spent Christmas with his mom and I thought this was good. Until it wasn't. The romantic notions from his trip overseas started to crumble and so did his desire to be with me. So he left me, alone, at his house. He would go out all night or spend the night on the floor of his art studio. He wouldn't tell me where he was or where he was going. He would ignore me when he was in the same room as me and lie next to me in the bed like a stranger.

So I moved out but we stayed together, I know right it is exhausting. We would spend 2-3 days/nights together and they would be great, then he would spend the next 4-5 days/nights doing his best to avoid me. This went on for most of the summer, until now. Until finally for some reason I woke up. I feel like I have been asleep through all these AMAZING things that have happened in my life because I was only half a person. He had half of me, my heart and he wasn't letting it go. I was a mind and a body walking around in search of my heart. But I am taking it back.

I told him goodbye and wrote him several emails that just spewed all the hatred that had built up in me. I am so mad at him for doing this, and I am so mad at me for allowing it to happen over and over and over again. On my run this morning I noticed his car parked outside of that woman's house and I it crushed me. I ran home and cried my eyes out, on my hardwood floor. So many questions. Why did he come back to me, when she took him on that trip why had he come back wanting ME. Especially since he's just ended up right back in her bed. But as I told a friend it had to happen. I had to see that. I had to empty it all out. Every last bit of love and emotion from hatred to compassion and kindness and jealousy, has to all come out for me to move on. And I feel like it is, and I will.

SO my campaign to bring back the awesome. I am going to get up and go try on bridesmaids dress for my best friend's wedding. A woman I am so lucky to have in my life and who is going to marry the man that treasures her above all! (More than dirt and football) And I will go to Trustus and watch the last night of the last show of Jim and Kay's last season. I will be there on Monday as we say good-bye to them and the end of an era. I will be with family. I will be with friends and I will find my awesome even if it begins with some red eyes and a tear-streaked face.

Kitties for SALE!!

Not MY kitties. I love my kitties, my bf may have less than love for my kitties but he deals, sometimes better than others!

Anywho I digress.

Last month we had a late night show at Trustus in the Black Box space and I asked my friend Katherine to do some art work for the lobby area. The show was called Kitty Kitty Kitty, a dime store version of the plot would be that a cat fell in love with himself and cloned himself then that clone cloned himself and so on and so forth until there was nothing but cat hysteria! Well Katherine did a great job of coordinating the art outside to the art inside, with her kitty art adaptations!

Having sold 5 of the water color paintings already and with one on hold I am posting the rest to see if any of you would like to buy one!! Here they are in all their $40 (negotiable) glory :

 These last two are a little more special and are of the $50 varietal!

If you are interested just leave a comment or send an email to thegallerytrustus@gmail.com

Get your kitty face on!

I have issues...

OBVIOUSLY, I mean for one thing I sporadically write on this blog, and I say write lightly as my bf just calls it random rantings. Luckily I am pretty cute so he deals with it.

One of my biggest issues, besides the fact that I love control top pantyhose, is that I don't understand other people sometimes. And by sometimes I mean a lot of the time. I am unforgiving and judgmental, not all or even most of the time but there is quite a bit of the time in my life where I am passing judgement on others. I know this is not suppose to be something you do but umm hello I am human, and American and well we American humans sure like to pass judgement, not sure about those American non-humans of which I am sure there are plenty.

The other day I was standing in our office kitchen after The boss man had kindly gone to Sam's and bought a bunch of food and snacks for us to have around the office. Something that is not required but is such a nice touch from upper-management, there are so many perks about working for a smaller non-profit besides you know the salary and general good nature of the service you provide to others. Anywho I made the comment to my co-worker that I don't understand why they keep buying the container of little muffins. It is a big box of banana nut and blueberry muffins that come in packs of two. The grease covers the plastic and I feel like you can just see the lard oozing out of them...yummers, not. At least that is what I think. Gross who would eat that crap. I look at the back of the package and the two muffins that fit in my hand take up almost an ENTIRE days allotted amount of fat grams. On average we should allow ourselves 60gs of fat per day. The two little muffins that could barely be called a snack have almost 55gs of fat in them. So I make a judgement call, who would want to eat something that wouldn't fill you up and takes up all the fat you can have in one day. And of course the answer is rhetorical because we all know what I meant by it, people who don't care about health and who are most likely over-weight anyway. My co-worker rebuts with well not everyone is like you Sumner, and it took me by surprise. Not surprise really but it set me back a bit. She was right, and that is something I have to remember more often. I actually pride myself as being different than others some may say weird others quirky, but I do march to the tune of my own drummer, most of the time. Always have. I remember at Sunday dinner I used to climb the bars on our windows (in a frock dress and paten leather shoes of course) and pretend I was a monkey at the zoo. Everyone would laugh or sign and make me get down, lack of new material. But that being said, I think of myself as open-minded I encourage different thoughts and life-styles, but that one statement made me question whether I really do cherish those differences out there. When it comes to people whose ideals I do not agree with, those who would speak out against gay marriage or the rights of minorities for example, I would just say they exist so that I can appose them. If they they didn't have differing beliefs then I wouldn't stand out...and that can be a good thing but it in a way is totally self-righteous. I appreciate them for believing things I think are awful to believe because it makes me feel more enlightened and cultured to not believe that way. So to get knocked off my little happy horse of enlightenment I realize that I am so quick to judge all the time. Especially when it comes to diets and exercise of others. I won't judge you for being gay or Muslim or for being on government assistance programs, but if you are lazy and obese I judge you. Is it because I believe that you were born gay and Muslim and that life doesn't deal a fair hand and the government is here to help those who need it, but it is your choice to eat poorly and not exercise.

Maybe because it scares me, because that could be me. I am in no way skinny, never have been, and I could most definitely exercise more often, but lazy I am not. Obese, far from it.  I have made a point in my life to watch my weight and find that my volatile mind is more at ease when exercise is in my life, yet I over indulge on sweets and carb-loaded meat heavy meals quite often. It is a choice but it is my choice. Who am I to look at you and judge your life decisions. But part of me things the judgement is justified. Obesity and laziness is becoming the norm in our country and has been for some time now. Is it OK for people to voice their dissenting opinions about race and religion, politics and values, but not about basic life-style choices. I don't know. I know that passing poor judgement on others does not make me happier, it doesn't make me a better person, but I know it is something that is hard for me to not do. When does the judgment change from opinion to obligation? Should i write the calorie content of a donut and put it on the box of twelve that my co-worker brought in to share with everyone? No I shouldn't because everyone isn't like me, and bless them for it. What a zany world it would be if there were tons more Sumners running around talking with their hands and saying shit that girls say too often.

This definitely qualifies as a rant considering it really has no point except to point out some indecision I have in my head. I lost 30lbs this year because I believe that eating well will enrich my life. I changed my desk into a standing desk because I believe that inactivity will kill you; I believe it will dull your mind and attack your soul and eventually weaken your body, the three gifts we are truly given in this life! Part of me wonders why you haven't done the same thing. Why do you down the donut for breakfast, greasy burger for lunch, sit all day at your desk only to switch to your car then couch then bed? These are things I will wonder about you. Part of me wants to talk to you about it and teach you the ways to change, but the other part of me knows that you are not like me and you will do what you will because that is your right. I will appreciate you for your difference to me but will always wonder why!

We all have things on which we pass judgement more frequently than others, that is one thing that connects us to each other, our differences. So in judging we are in some way connecting to each other. It doesn't make it right and it doesn't make it good it just makes it human. Human is not a shield or an excuse, it is a thing we can strive to be better at being, together!

Sh*t in my boyfriend's studio...

So here is the thing, after a long and tumultuous 7 months of an on-again-off-again dating scheme the guy in my life FINALLY realized how incredibly awesome, and humble, I am and that he would be a total idiot to let me slip away. Me being the hard-headed romantic held on for the ride and glad I did so, well for now anyway (I kid I kid). We are argumentative but interesting, frustrating but passionate, and we both fancy the arts. He works at Tapp's Art Center, and moonlights as a gardener (ummm hot) and has a studio at Tapp's AC, which is a total plus because it gets all the weird stuff (I almost said crap but somehow as soon as he picks it up it is elevated from crap to stuff) he collects out of his house and into a studio. He has more freedom for creativity and I have more freedom to move everything in his house around into a more suitable atmosphere. He smiles and nods and moves heavy stuff and dreads the day that my two cats (the most precious Prince Ranger and Miss Liza) descend upon his previous cat-free territory! Well relationships are about sacrifice right, or was that compromise? Whatevs. Don't be a dick, THAT is how you do it in a relationship. BE generous, DON'T BE a dick. Back to the point, we have been working at his studio, I say we loosely, turning old coin parking meters into works of art to be auctioned off this evening at Change for Change event at 701. Mine is profound, but not very artsy, his is super artsy and would look great adorning an eclectic yard (he doesn't know it but he is totally going to have to recreate for his yard, again I say his loosely) OMG I digress, so last night while he was doing the dirty spray-painting part, I was in heels duh, I walked around his studio and took some pics of the umm stuff that has been assembled and I imagine with which he holds meaningful conversations about life, his aspirations and feelings, when no one is looking. Sidenote who remembers that kids TV show that took place in a mall after dark when all the mannequins came to life? I mean materialism propaganda at such a young age amirightguys? Right so let's get to the main event:

I may or may not have placed the sign at her HEART of course!

I am really interested in the tiny Buddha!

Do not chew on this.

Cause you just never know?

Yep just a couple lady Liberties.

Nesting.

Oh how did that close up of me get in here*

I played with both of these things, but they are more fun together!

Multiply this body part by like 20 and you are close to the bodiless limbs lying around (<-- when consonance and alliteration play nicely)

He said we could give one to the foster kid I sponsored for Christmas, right if we want to give him tetanus (not sure if you can actually get tetanus but if not why do we have to get that awful shot?)

THAT is what I got in like the 5 minutes before I got distracted by the pop music and the fact that he has an entire mirror wall, there may have been some interpretive dancing involved. There are no pictures of that, sad face for you.

* I put one of these (*) above because I have to give a mad shout-out to Molly Harrell who took this photo along with several others as part of a political art show that she and my bf put on at the fab studio/fashion frame store Frame of Mind (so clever)! BG, my bf, traded some art of his for this boarded pic of me making that American Flag fancy, I was flattered bc he didn't tell me :) Visual artists do that all the time, they trade their  awesome stuff for others awesome stuff...I am an actor I could trade you engaging conversation for some of your art...any takers, no? Worth a shot! OK back to the grind. P.S. I turned my desk into a standing desk, it is awesome! I will have to write about it...sometime! 

Happy Holidays! (<--- that is me including all race and religions, that is not me being a DICK. If you think I am being a dick for saying that then that is YOU being a DICK justsaying) 



American Antibodies.

I am amazed by those who have taken no interest in spite of themselves. This is not about party divides but I have long believed that we would rip ourselves apart with party politics. It spreads hate and negativity amongst the very people with whom we should love and care for the most, each other. I love my country but right now I am not proud of it, and I would like to reclaim from the 1% who have stolen it from us, and I would like to extinguish the complacency of the middle class that sits by and allows it to happen. Stand up for yourselves and your fellow people. Take back our country and take back our rights and so on Saturday we will start by exercising our First Amendment right! May we inspire and may we withstand the insults of those willing to deter of from our goals!

Having a conversation with one of my best friend’s this morning I stated how shocked I really am by the fact that not a single one of them seemed to have any interest in the movement. She remarked that she didn’t really know what was going on, and right there is the difference. I hear a hint of something happening and I want to know, have to know what it is and what is going on. We have so many problems in this country and I have just been hoping beyond hope that something like this would happen, and it is my fault for being so quiet before now. Quiet is not a word usually associated with me, but it is true when it comes to this point. I live in South Carolina and appose almost all of the states regulations and laws. Now of course I don’t know all of them, I mean I probably know more about them than our governor but that is another story. I have always felt strongly about politics and at times have acted very strongly too, but in the past few years I have let myself be quieted. I don’t want to ruffle too many feathers. I think I really just don’t want to dislike people and if we start talking politics I am probably not going to agree with you. This will lead to me getting heated, can’t help it you should meet my father, and then I will just shut down. I become a petulant child when it comes to politics. I like to listen to other’s opinions on a number of issues but there are many things that are written in stone for me. Now my friends have listened to my rants for years and a couple of them used to be right up there ranting with me…but most of those friends have moved away from me.

I love my friends but they are completely settled. They are married with a house and a dog and DVR. They have been educated and have health insurance, where is their need to stand up and protest, they have what they want. They may agree with the movement or disagree but I wouldn’t know…really the only response to my participating in the Occupy movement was that the human microphone thing seems cool. That really just hit me in the gut. This country can be great, and I truly believe we can get it there again but it has to be us. I think we can agree that the political atmosphere in Washington has become so convoluted that there is really no real progress being made in either direction. Because those politicians are no longer there representing the people of their cities and states, they are representing the new constituency, corporations. These corporations are buying everyone and the price is the American people…and that includes my friends.

Now I use them as an example of what I call the middle class complacency; because I know them, but they are not alone. We are all having a tough time in this economy but it isn’t it our duty as free citizens to ask ourselves what really happened to get us here? And to ask who is being hurt by this? Who is gaining from that hurt and loss? I believe it is human law, intrinsic and pure, that we take care of other people. All other people. If we go against that law for long enough we will be punished, and we have been ignoring that law for a long time. We are hunters and gatherers but we hunt and gather for the good of those around us. Somehow we have gotten so far away from that, we have become what is mine is mine and you can’t have it. Of course that too is natural, the territorial nature is basic…but when did it become that we will watch those around us, in our own country, starve and freeze and go without so much and still not be willing to give up a little bit of what we have gained.

I should give more, I could do more. This is what keeps me up at night. Why am I not out there fighting for those who can’t? I actually think everyone can they just don’t know the how. I believe education is the key to all success; we have to learn to gain. If you don’t know how you are being swindled by the current system then you would have no reason to fight against it…just like having an illness if you don’t know what is wrong you will never figure out how to get well. And there is the rub, America is sick and we can all help make her better again. It is going to be a long and hard battle, there will be moments where we might not think we are going to make it but we can and we will keep fighting.

We are such a young country and our internal antibodies don’t seem to have been as important to us as our external ones. We have been fighting everyone else’s wars while ignoring our own. We see symptoms of illness in the world and we send our tanks and our drones to try and make it better, while being completely blindsided by the fact that our country is being worn down, and weakened from the inside out. We have been and continue to be crippled by those who stand at the top.

We have a virus and it is time for us to fight it, we are the antibodies that can fix this country. Let’s fight the illness and take back our America.



Be My, Be My Little Baby!

I cannot even express how many times I have said to myself, you need to sit down at that computer and write. Write your little heart out. I had no idea I had neglected my blog this long...seriously January 7 was my last post AND that was just a info dump from my deleted myspace page (remind me to tell you about an argument I have been having with one of my dear friends about myspace, would love your input).

8 months, 8 months and a handful of days since I put all of my life's craziness into words...I am astounded. Well I am a fbook, twitter, and now G+ -aholic so it isn't like the world has been void of my postings of opinions and such...but this is just different! I know you know what I am talking about. I can sit here and tell you about my love and my loss my laughter and smiles. The things that have encouraged my and beaten me down. I want to be extremely open. I think there is a person in my life who might not quite appreciate the openness of all that I am going/wanting to say but I can't let that stop me. I need advice and opinions.

Some people might say why don't you just turn to your friends...and I do, I talk to them and tell them what is going on in my life, to a certain degree. I have a problem with casual intimacy...in the friendship realm. It is one of those situations where everyone I am really close to in my life is a couple. I kid you not I am basically the only single person I know, talk to and hang out with...and my "singleness" is deserving of quotations because it is a murky territory. I am madly in love but I'll come back to that in a bit. as for needing to get all out there, I am a let it all hang out (in hopefully a decently written conversational manner) type of gal. there are times where I think, well I probably could have gone without saying that, but I in general don't like limitations. Limitations offend my sensibilities.

I have been running the marathon of life since we last spoke. I was promoted to a full-time position in my company, and since then been promoted and given a raise. I have been placed on the Board of Directors at Trustus Theatre, as well as taken on the task as "curator" for The Gallery at Trustus. (we have always had artists show their work but I am trying to make it a legit place to showcase talented artists and their designs/creations.) The arts are a community and we need to interact, support and offer out a hand if needed! I bought a car, moved into and decorated my own apartment and adopted 2 cats...wow we really HAVEN'T talked. I went to Mexico, read a bunch of good books, stage managed 2 shows, am rehearsing for another one and Assistant Directing a 3rd all before the end of the year! I have to say one of the most important things I have done in the past few months would be that I lost 25lbs! It fluctuates about 5LBS here and there but daaaaaaaamn that is the weight of my best friend's youngest daughter. I have basically lost a two year-old child. Now luckily I am one of those body types where I just kind of shrink so it isn't really that noticeable when I go up and down a little, but man this is the most I have ever lost...and I am doing it the right way, the healthy way!

I joined weight watchers and use that as a tool along with working out on a regular basis. I am running more than I ever have before in my life and it feels like such an accomplishment. If you are stuck WW is a great way to get your mind in the right place to loose the pounds!

I have never been so in tune and interested in healthy life options...I see nutrition classes in my future. Along with classes in non-profit management! I am loving, loving, loving the momentum I have going in my work life and just want to keep it going!

Well speaking of work I should probably get back to it! I promise not to leave you for so long again. I promise new posts and pictures and surprises, and heartfelt stories and admissions!

Have a wonderful Wednesday! May it sparkle for you!